TRAVEL DIARY

A weblog regularly updated by Jodi Rose.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

2:52 AM
Posted by jodi rose

I keep reading articles in the newspaper over the last few months about the deterioration of relationships in Australia, our growing isolation and increase in the chronically single lifestyle. Some people say it's women's fault for expecting 'too much' and we should settle for 'mr maybe right for now' to have babies - or ms, but that's another story - then conflicting columns talk about the hard work and strain of having a new born baby and how much stress that puts on the relationship, which if you weren't happy in it to start with you're sure as hell not going to be after months of sleep deprivation, crying and changing nappies. So why settle? Not that I'm even looking to have one of the little cherubs in the near future, I'm perfectly happy being an auntie to many of my friends kids, and being able to give them back. But the number of people I know, male and female, who profess to be searching for a partner and are out dating but complain that no-one is ever right - either she burped on the phone, or there was no chemistry, or he was too boring, or too eager - the whole 'sex and the city' catalogue of misdemeanours, which leads me to think that maybe we do need to start looking at our own expectations of a romantic partner. No-one person can fulfil all the criteria we carry in our heads for 'true love' to blossom, there is always going to be something that bugs you or isn't right about the other person - but you love them with all their 'faults', as a wonderful, unique human being. Right? And hope that they have the same compassion and tolerance for the ways you act that might give them pause in falling for you. I think it's about learning that people express love in different ways to how you think it should be done, and giving them credit for feeling and communicating in their own style. Is that possible? I think so. I've heard some great love stories recently, from a couple who were suspended in a cage setting off fireworks for a new years eve spectacular, she had no interest in him, but they kissed because... well they were there and it was the thing to do, and have been together ever since. Another friend saw a boy she liked the look of in a pub 6 months ago, her friend the bartender sent her over to the table with his drinks (Guiness), she ended up driving him home and they're getting married in 6 months. Romance is truly alive and happening, but it only happens if someone takes a risk. And the whole 'men partnering down' chestnut really needs an update. Apparently as an educated single woman over 30 I am twice as likely to be childless and alone than someone who didn't finish high school. Well great. Look where trying to make something of your life for yourself gets you......
At some point one of you has to be brave, or we all end up alone. I've been canvassing opinion on the topic and one of the frequently repeated lines is that men are scared of women. Well, get over it boys. There's nothing to be scared of, you can in fact relate to and approach women as normal human beings, it's not that big a deal. You just have to keep trusting that even if the conversation goes nowhere, at least you're having it, and as my friend Torben used to say, every conversation is an invitation. Those same boys who claim they would love a girl to ask them out, or make a move are also the ones who run screaming when it does happen. I read something about that recently too, that women are used to sexual advances from a wide range of men, many of whom they wouldn't consider in the least attractive, but who obviously have plenty of self-confidence and think they're pretty hot - while it's such an unusual experience for men, that the women they imagine asking them out are always impossibly gorgeous, playboy bunny types, so they're mighty disappointed when it's the girl down the road who might be a little plump, or have a kid, or be really nervous and awkward, or not look conventionally beautiful.

If we all gave one another the chance, who knows where it might lead! So get out there and put yourself on the line, try one act of braveness this week. Or is that bravery? Another friend Sue used to challenge herself every day to get up on the trapeze, and overcome all the fears she had of falling, slipping, getting stuck up there.
Life is a trapeze. You can't be standing on the ground looking up the whole time, at all the possibilities and wondering what it's like, trying to imagine how it feels up there. You have to get up, climb the rope and experience it for yourself. Swing it baby.
Good lord, I'm sounding like an American motivational speaker again. 'Swing it baby"?! Who on earth talks like that!? I mean, really. Anyone who has been following these travels for a while may have heard this before, but I am definitely writing that self help book once I get this bridge project finished.
'Free yourself and follow your dreams' or is that already written? It's a snappy title for sure. Going to be a sassy, slightly eccentric - or shall we say 'quirky'? - guide to getting more out of life for the jaded yet still hopeful urban sophisticate who is sure they used to have a passion for something, but can't quite remember what it is right now. That was me 3 years ago, sitting at the kitchen table in my share house, talking with my flatmate about how I was going to be someone, there must be more to life than this. Unemployed, single - hey the perfect time to take off on your wildest adventure, you've got nothing to lose. What the hell, you might as well.
Had a fun adventure last night, got home from drinks for the recently engaged friend's birthday, chilling out on the couch flipping between rage and mtv europe music awards, when suddenly I heard loud rock music outside. Got up, went out to investigate - all the neighbours were peering out their windows, or like me out on the street in their pyjamas, Chris the boy next door and I walked down to find out what was happening. This very fucking cool live band playing in the funky arty house 5 doors down, where Lyndal Walker lives and Molly, the lovely girl who Chloe always barks at. So I went home, got dressed and Philippa came down with me - we were actually invited at this point, so it wasn't really crashing - ran into lots of people we knew, very happening 80's retro crowd - I'm getting this a lot lately, where it feels like I've wandered into a school disco, circa 1985. Spooky. They were very hip and fairly friendly, the band rocked - 'bambam', lead singer was this totally hot girl, kind of Betty Page goes rock'n'roll, she was sexy and sassy and had a great voice, totally wild performer in knee high boots, a leather mini, thick silver choker, long black hair in a ponytail. Stayed at the party until 3am, proving that sometimes you barely have to leave home to have a cool adventure! Molly dropped by today to say thanks for coming - cute - one of the neighbours, crazy guy across the lane smashed a window in his fury at the noise, and the police made 3 visits, but no arrests.