TRAVEL DIARY

A weblog regularly updated by Jodi Rose.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

9:53 PM
Posted by jodi rose

You can buy legs in a can. I kid you not. Spray on airbrushing. I used to dream of waking up every day and being airbrushed. Have finally come to terms with the fact that it's not going to happen, I don't coiff and the messy - bohemian - style is here t

It's a strange affectation the confessional blog.
no matter how transparent and 'in the moment' you try to be, there are never really enough words, or the right ones to adequately convey a sense of all the complexity and subtleties of a human being, and their life.
someone asked today - how are you really?
Well. Veering between unshakeable confidence and complete despair, would be one answer. This life coach thing is strange, it's making me think through all the unconscious assumptions and belief systems that I'm working from, and that's a little unsettling. It's much easier to forget about all that stuff, especially one's own complicity in creating and sustaining a world view, and then living with it.

Watched the final episode of the o.c. tonight (just let me have the one trashy indulgence, ok - even thorpey thinks it's gold!) and it all ended sadly. Ryan the mixed up kid from Cino goes back there with his ex-girlfriend who he may or may not have got pregnant - but couldn't let her go through it on her own. So ends his dream of living with the fabulously wealthy people, in that glamorous poolhouse, and making a different life for himself. and over the final scene with Seth sailing off to Hawaii, and everyone's life falling apart, that Jeff Buckley version of Hallelujah which is so incredibly haunting and melancholy - then had to listen to the album, and now have moved on to Nick Drake. So you get the mood.

Anyway, there are moments when I am so convinced that I can really pull this whole thing off, and others when I just think, who are you kidding? what kind of deluded world are you living in...

Mostly I just want to feel like I'm engaged with life, contributing something to the world, and connected to the people I belong with. there is just so much stuff to do, it all gets muddled up and not in a good lime caprioska way.

Oh well, enough maudlin ranting, there are more productive things to do with my time. like actual writing. yes, apologies to all my email correspondents - I only just realised that I've been taking out my frustrated writer impulse on you all, sending those long rambling emails when I feel like chatting.

It's a little bit like what Bjork was talking about on this doco I saw last night about her latest album - totally out there, all based on the human voice, sounds lush and unique, I completely dig where she's at and how she creates. Anyway, so Bjork said she just has this 'primal urge' to sing. doesn't matter about the lyrics - they were all happening subconsciously for 2 years. Yeah, I get that with writing. Not making sound or music so much, but words just flow out and woe betide anyone who gets in the way. Jeanette Winterson had this orange demon character in one of her early novels, a trickster who would show up and niggle the narrator - that's how I imagine it. A writing demon.

Please please let me get what I want this time. I think that's from a song.