TRAVEL DIARY

A weblog regularly updated by Jodi Rose.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

11:39 AM
Posted by jodi rose

have decided to disconnect my people-pleasing particle. even the girl in local north fitzroy organic cafe gave me grief about not going in earlier to say hi. had an overseas friend berating me about the amount of time I spend writing in my web diary - presumably I should be corresponding with him more - and I've really just got to the point of saying : actually if you're not contributing to the joy and love and laughter in my life, you can go play somewhere else. Really am very exhausted by having so many people needing something from me - especially attention and engagement. I'm finding a perverse enjoyment in relating to someone I'm in conversation with about the launch this week, who never actually replies to my emails - normally that would bug me, but it's kind of a relief in itself as am suffering chronic email fatigue - and then we inevitably run into each other in a cafe, gig, bar or street party whenever really we need to have the conversation. I'm liking f2f contact. It's so much more present and real than endless text based conversations - which are certainly a form of communication in themselves, but really there is a definite need for physical presence in your life and engagements with people.

Which is why sophea and I are trying so hard to get people over to helsinki for particle wave, so we can all play and experiment with radio together. working across the net just doesn't quite resonate the same way. feels like everyone is a little bit over it. we need to find new ways to make our communities in everyday life - and it can be hard when the people who engage and inspire you creatively and intellectually are so geographically disparate. I dearly love my close friends here, but still find their response to my work takes the form of it being more of a party novelty that makes them feel cool, than something to engage with on an intellectual level. of course there are exceptions, and thanks to the wonderful visiting finns I've been introduced to lots more interesting and fun media artists in sydney and melbourne, who could potentially become friends also. but we're all so busy... and going off to london and helsinki in a week doesn't leave much time for developing relationships. oh well, there's always next time.

really having to work hard at getting myself into take-off mode. haven't reached that level of speed and activity yet, still recovering from the abc residency and getting CD finished. could have kept working on it, but at some point you have to say - this is it, get it out there and walk away.
can't even think about getting on the plane - which is a shame as it is really exciting, but at the moment all I have is a list of about a months work to condense into a week. a couple of things are going to have to go. but they're all essential. oh well, better get to it. altho this is essential too, both as an archive for me to refer to later, and a kind of therapeutic download of where I'm at.
it's funny, I had someone interview me last week and he said: I feel like I know you. from reading the web diary. which is great, it's a testament to the individual voice that people do feel they know you.
but can I just say - you actually don't. you know a few things about me, some random meandering and thoughts - but you don't really know me. just like I don't know the author of a book or song, even though I feel they've connected directly with me. it's kind of got to be reciprocal. quite weird to be in this semi-public arena. a girl is coming over in a few minutes to buy a cd from me for her boyfriend for valentines day. anyone who feels like sending a note of adoration please go right ahead!