TRAVEL DIARY

A weblog regularly updated by Jodi Rose.

Friday, July 29, 2005

4:11 PM
Posted by jodi rose

'the limits of my language mean the limits of my world'
according to the eminent philosopher ludwig wittgenstein, quoted in a public art work on the torrens river.

thinking about it, and yes, that makes perfect sense.
not understanding the world someone lives in makes it very difficult to communicate or share anything with them - not all 'verbal' languages of course. learning new forms of expression and communication - through movement, gesture, staging, animation, hoops....!

applied to personal realm, I almost managed to have a romance recently, but after a short time kissing and being ridiculous, the boy somehow lost his zing and decided that he didn't want any more casual encounters, and as we weren't in a relationship and would most likely cross paths in the future and probably work together, we shouldn't 'be intimate' because he didn't want it to be weird next time we met. I did my level best to convince him that I'd much rather actually have the experience with the possibility of disappointment afterwards than not have the fun and be definitely disappointed - but he didn't see it like that and I couldn't be bothered dealing with ambivalence yet again.

so, that learned me something about not expressing feelings of self-doubt in 'romantic' moments - it only seems to confuse people.

in case you're wondering 'why the sudden personal revelations', well I don't usually write about my so-called 'personal life' partly to protect the guilty :) but mainly because I don't really manage to have one. not ongoing at least, beyond the occasional flash of festival fever.
having to face some of those very personal demons recently - ouch!

something too on the tip of my mind about how if you're going to make a life in art, you have to committ to it totally and completely. forget about anything else for a while. focus focus focus. and passion.

working on self-belief. at all times, in all circumstances. I just don't have time for anxiety or self-doubt anymore. there's too much to do.

all my work at tps was about being vulnerable and revealed.
intimacy and vulnerability kept coming up as the themes - and even when i wasn't thinking about them, manifested in things like the security camera watching the dancers - reflecting my need to always have a layer of technology between myself as an artist/performer and the audience/listener.

learning to be brave.

again
and
again
and
again
and
again
and
again.