TRAVEL DIARY

A weblog regularly updated by Jodi Rose.

Monday, September 19, 2005

2:41 PM
Posted by jodi rose

indeed what is the future of this job?
getting stuck into writing today and it's like pulling teeth with a tweezer. didn't help that I had to visit redfern job futures and fill out forms about looking for work - gave them the truth, applied for this residency, that grant, a lecturer/tutor position in radio, a freelance radio producer, giving a panel/workshop at a festival, doing a performance - but I already have a job guarding a bridge, it just hasn't started yet... ah the horror.
reading through years of insane rambling about what I'm doing and thinking from various times and places around the world, wondering what on earth was I thinking? why would anyone read this drivel?
really must learn to write in complete sentences.
one of these days....
and it's much more loaded and difficult for me to pull off the writing with grace and joy, because it means so much more. Playing with sound, I love it, I genuinely have a passion for the sonic world, but emotionally it doesn't affect me the same way. similar - of course there is still doubt and ridiculously high standards and a level of perfectionism that borders on paralysis - but I can shrug that off and just get into it without feeling like the entire future of my career rests on getting these sounds into shape.
maybe that's the attitude I need to employ with the words too - this is not the only chance to express myself, I don't have to say everything, so take the most interesting and engaging material and work with it. only it is work, not play. I really don't know why anyone would do this unless they were seriously deranged, obssessed or driven beyond all reason. which I guess I am. all that mad genius artist stuff, it has to come from somewhere. longing to retire and just have a normal life... but somehow know that's not going to happen. not this year anyway.