TRAVEL DIARY

A weblog regularly updated by Jodi Rose.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

9:20 PM
Posted by jodi rose

'that's how depression hits... gradually at first, then suddenly. And you wake up afraid you're going to live' elizabeth wurtzel paraphrasing hemingway in 'prozac nation'. probably the best line in the film, I was expecting something more... raw? extreme? I guess it was a moment in cultural history, when all that middle-class medication was suddenly out in the open, but the film seemed fairly low-impact and banal to me. Perhaps it was just all too familiar now, or the mid-twenties alienation and whinging all got a bit boring very quickly - still, she told her story honestly and adequately.

Although maybe I'm not being fair, nothing else compares for searing raw brutal honesty after reading tracey emin's strangeland. Extraordinary. Her lightness and clarity in writing about very intense and fucked-up life experiences was something else, and then the beauty of her dreams and otherworldly states took you into another dimension. A jolting reminder of why people like to read about artist's lives, or anyone who is living on the edge - it's compelling and fascinating and you think, wow what an incredible human being at the same time as feeling thank god that isn't me. funny though, as that seems to be partly the reaction people sometimes have to my ramblings - well the thank god part anyway ;) I'm not half as fun as tracey seems, but not quite as messy either. Still, wonderful to read about someone living in constant squalor but never losing the thread of her dreams, and finding a way to coax them into reality. And the friend who lent it to me laughed, thinking that my own chronic struggles with keeping my life and room tidy was parallel.
Now for the great art.... (if only)

I'm so happy to be back in my 'hood, only a short walk to the two best local cafes in the world... and believe me, I've done the research. Ran into a painter friend the first day back, bailed him up to ask about techniques and tips. It's fun being a complete beginner, and not very good, there is really nothing at stake. Somehow I'm fascinated with the formal qualities of paint, the brushstrokes, partly expressive partly decorative - nothing representational or figurative. Of course. But I didn't know this when I started, and that's the fun part. He said, yes, it's all a matter of solving problems, and that's why it will never go away. Indeed, something compelling there that keeps you fascinated and wanting to explore. Japanese clouds and waves in particular, all my brushstrokes seem to end up swirly - now need better brushes.
One turned out like two people dancing, lots of movement and lightness. Mark also mentioned finishing a commission, which I could commiserate with, having just gone through that torturous process of questioning yourself and every decision, as it's something for someone else and even though they have bought your 'vision', there is still a desire to please them in the process. I did learn to drive the EQ plug-in much better this time though, which is satisfying.

walked though the park on my way home and chatted with the people starting a community garden, planting herbs and some vegetables. Nice work gang. Definite sense of connectedness there.

It's been a very low-key weekend, many hours drifting with the newspaper and sorting through junk in my room, punctuated by trips to afore-mentioned best-ever-local-cafes, and oh yes a pedicure with lisa. Just walked up to the new taquiera on king st to meet sophea for quesadilla and flan - good, but very busy and quite small serves.

Finally a drink at madame fling-flongs, although maybe the churros was a mistake after the black-beans and custard. having a legume day, with greek fava soup earlier, trying to be more grounded and calm.
It's amazing how directly food affects your mood and state of mind.
Weirdly unbusy right now, having stripped back to minimal projects, and just finished the two biggest external pressures still on my dance-card, now I only have my own deadlines to fulfil. Scary. And way beyond the polite reply time period for some, but I feel if it's going to happen it will, all in good time, no point rushing things.
Especially not with the kind of monumentally complex, multi-layered international projects that are next up on the pitch. It's bad metaphor night. Best call it a day and get back to being chilled out.