TRAVEL DIARY

A weblog regularly updated by Jodi Rose.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

12:12 PM
Posted by jodi rose

I had an epiphany last night, there in the electronic church listening to dutch boys with a nice exquisite corpse concept and a few good sounds.

Suddnely I realised, "I don't have to be a sound artist anymore."
My god, what a relief. I am no officially an ex-sound artist. Or maybe an unsound artist.

Katie asked (reasonably); 'what are you going to do?'

Write. I'm actually a writer masquerading as a sound artist. I can't believe it's taken this long and no-one has pulled me up on it yet.
Although tony barrell did ask when I pitched my transit radio project -
'hmmm, yes, but are you any good?'

Ok, sometimes I will still engage in activities that may involve audio signal in some form, and even record or compose now and then.
But I really can't be that person anymore. 'The bridge girl'.

"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not."*

She's gone. sorry. That's not the whole story and is no longer my identifying tag. Make something up. Imagine a new life. Draw a door to another world and step through it.

"To know how to free oneself is nothing; the arduous thing is to know what to do with one's freedom"*

Andrew reminded me in our conversation at pixelache; 'no-one cares as much as you' (about whatever esoteric project you're doing). He's right, and if I can no longer find the faith to continue; who can?

It really is time to step back from the certainties of this path and find out what the subtle syren call to my soul is saying. So aliteratively. Although, I can hazard a guess ;) But indulge me on this.

"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it."*

So last night after the klangkunst party of the century, which included a sublime set by derek and rob who tuned into the room and shook it, then very avant-garde weirdness with actual instruments (drum, electric guitar and violin) that was beautiful but somehow the primal scream element didn't quite work for me. Hung around for a while chatting to various people, including a young hegel philosopher who told me 'don't go to amsterdam, it's so boring' and I thought, oh thank god, that's exactly what I need! And Sara who promises me a trip to her family in the country, including a visit to her grandmother to play a dutch card game that she tried to explain but remains obscure until the clarifying edge of experience. We ended up at bar 25 sitting by the 40 gallon drum fire, talking about sicily and darwin and the joy of other people's families. I need that contact with another world, it's so easy when travelling and arting to only meet people of a like age and type.
Mixin' it up a bit with the Dutch and Sicilian grandma's :)

Whatever you do, as a friend reminded me last night: go without expectation. (I CHING hexagram 35). Yes, that is the precise intent. Be in the world, without expectation or desire and find out where life takes you. It is possible, without becoming nihilistic or paralysed.

Right now is a very intriguing place. Space is the place, he also said :)

To get back to the philosophical musing, it's really challenging and taxing being this far out on the edge of any comfort zone or safety in life - but also quite amazing. Like finding yourself on the edge of mountain or cliff in total darkness and seeing stars for the first time.


*(Quotes from Andre Gide)