TRAVEL DIARY

A weblog regularly updated by Jodi Rose.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

9:27 AM
Posted by jodi rose

... from the dust and ashes

this is a time of intense, radical transformation - but in gradual shifts.
absolutely everything is uncertain, up-in-the-air and out of my control.
it's surprisingly fabulous! really invoking a sense of peace, being still in the midst of complete chaos and finding unexpected layers of faith.
in myself, in the process of life, in the people who matter to me, in the creative work and community I have built over the years.

everything really does become very simple at some point. there is a logical progression of steps you can take, and beyond that - do you have food? shelter? friends? community? then you're more than fine.

despite there being absolutely nothing stable or definite or fixed about anything in my life (and I mean anything - location; home; career; relationships; creative work; finances; you name it) I have found a home in the world through the network of cultural nomads and fellow travellers, and learned to embrace stillnness in constant movement.

it feels like I have truly let go of the person I used to be. This is an in-between time. a liminal space of pure potential, where everything is unwritten (particularly the future), unformed and can flow in a multitude of directions. to experience the uncertain as a positive state, the unfixed and in-flux as a gateway to new paths and worlds.

a new way of being. to keep this pure atom of joy and certainty within the stillness of my heart, and find the strength to let it grow and unfurl. to know that everything I have ever longed for can be real. one needs to stay present and gently embrace it when it comes. Life as a series of journeys, with the transitions as important as the destinations.

To stay balanced and sure in the in-between. To enjoy confusion as much as lucidity. To hand suspended in the gaps between certainties and let our unknowns take us over. To really reach out to another human being with an honest pure connection in every fibre of our self.

now time to start imagining, dreaming and writing the next chapter.
i don't know who this new woman will be when the kaleidoscope settles into a new pattern, but already feel that I like her very much. She is like an uber-version of me - braver, stronger, more focused, confident, happier, with a clarity and courage I dreamed of long ago, a fierceness and passion for life, purity of heart, and faith surpassing anything I have believed in before.

So back to the reality of my days. They are a strange mix of comfort and quest; moving between cupcakes and coffee with james in his fabulous neukolln apartment, the bezirksamt bear painted in cheerful rainbow colours with cats and a girl in red dancing on the roof; packing up yet again all my belongings in the studio into suitcases; armenian yoghurt soup with jasmine and long afternoon tarot reading then searching for funding options to get her next project supported; meeting mari on her trip to cycle around berlin with a toy reindeer in a more managable version of the mikropaliskunta tour of finland; haydie telling me that the audio students in tampere are very familiar with my work; an old project possibility suddenly popping up unexpectedly in an email from my french journalist and peace activist friend; long rides by the canal watching the swans sail into the twilight; catching up on gossip with katie on our own private jetty; sending smoke signals through the ether; planning a fireworks elephant during visit to sophea's geographically distributed celebration of life; swapping bicyle seats after collecting the orange bike I abandoned on the search for tito's birthday party last week; enjoying a sudden surge of interest from old friends all over the world deciding to get in contact; making plans for the next round of residency/symphony/activity - finally.

something has clicked and the mental-emotional-creative axis is righted again, ready for a new phase of intense work and joy.

'Ideas you believe are absurd ultimately lead to success'
Bik Van der Pol 2007

(Copied from art magazine in boesner trip with isabel and on the wall of my studio providing inspiration in the darker moments and now find they have a 'nomads in residence' mobile studio for artists living workin and researching. yes, perfect)


I believe in love,
and I know that you do too.
I believe in some kind of path
that we can walk down me and you...

Nick Cave (Into my arms)

Yes, there is always a path. sometimes it takes time and effort to find it, others you just stumble through the undergrowth and there you are.