TRAVEL DIARY

A weblog regularly updated by Jodi Rose.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

6:42 PM
Posted by jodi rose

... it's not so hard, you just need the right shoes.

the problem with being a closet perfectionist with a tendency towards laziness is that if you don't get something right the first time, it's too easy to just give in and be enveloped by total chaos. or so I was thinking, as I lay in the bath having a minor dienstag meltdown.

still trying to do too much.
julaine said to me on skype, 'you can have a day off, jodi.'
no! no, I can't. it all falls apart when I stop.
swirling. twirling. whirling.

I feel like one of those cartoon characters who has walked off a cliff, and is blithely continuing through thin air... until I look down.

Having a strange mix of way too much time alone in front of the screen - which is my main source of work, entertainment, and communication - but also completely overwhelmed by so much stuff going on in the real world outside; some of which I even get out to.

Think I'm talking to myself way too much - but then I make perfect sense. It's only other people who confuse me. And the sudden influx of conversation on skype is probably a good thing, suddenly there are other people here in the room with me. Giving wardrobe advice to Philippa in croatia; "Do you think people would call us bimbo's?" she asked the other day... 'God, I hope so!" I replied. It's been a while since I was taken for a bimbo. Well, at least I think it is. ;)

Confusing the hell out of 10 month old Lola down in Salzberg, who keeps looking at the screen wondering where Auntie Jodi really is.

Yes, well, that's the six million dollar question. Woke up today with the horrors. 'What the hell am I doing here? And how on earth can I keep on getting away with this kind of life? It's ridiculous!!' Think I'm adjusting to life in Berlin a little too well. Ich habe eine problem mit kreislauf. (Schmerz-Angst-Depression) Vague, fuzzy-headed and totally unable to cope - and that was after three early nights and plenty of sleep. Does it get easier or harder? My brain is fragmenting. Too many words in different places.
Or worlds. Walking round the corner for emergency chocolate now.

Then will come back and attempt to resucitate the various splinters of this strangely wonderful or wonderfully strange freeform life and art.