TRAVEL DIARY

A weblog regularly updated by Jodi Rose.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

11:41 PM
Posted by jodi rose

So I almost tumbled headlong into the abyss of self-doubt, anxiety and despair this evening... all brought on by a random myspace inadequacy - one day I really will pimp that layout - and just managed to puil myself back from the brink. Don't even pick up that cup of poisoned bitterness and cycnicsm, let alone drink from it. Throw it right back where it came from. Survived the evening without too much self-flagellation. Still a little wobbly about the whole art / creative thing. Feeling very out of practice. Looking at my body of work in the various fragments that still exist, and thinking woefully inadequate for so much time and effort.

Tony B asked me when I was pitching a radio feature to him last year 'Yes, but are you any good?' Well, hell, if you don't know by now....

Anyway, we've talked about this before. The whole artist as fake thing. Everyone gets it now and then. That and the tiny sliver of ice in the heart of every writer. Double trouble. And hey, if I am a fake, I'm doing a damn good job at it! Beyond fake, as dear courtney says. A friend was at the groucho club a few weeks ago, hanging out with some ex-neighbors stars now doing theatre in the west end, and reported seeing a very trashed courtney leaving the premises. Someones gotta live that crazy rock'n'roll life. The same friend was almost sold for three camels in egypt last week, but her gay husband decided that wasn't enough camels. 'And they weren't even the fancy white police camels!' she said, indignantly. Very cool adventuress.

Was there a point to all this, or indeed any of it? I think not. Just some blah that unravelled in the bath. Time for reflection and reassessment. Nothing too big or sudden. No fast moves. I'm learning.